


Epithets

by flawedamythyst



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-01
Updated: 2012-02-01
Packaged: 2017-10-30 11:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawedamythyst/pseuds/flawedamythyst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coda to 2.01: A Scandal In Belgravia. John and Sherlock have a conversation about nicknames.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Epithets

Sherlock was incapable of just sitting quietly with a cup of tea. It usually only took a few minutes before he was up again, rushing about on some flimsy pretext, or creating some sort of drama that he demanded John's attention for. Even when they were both physically exhausted after a tricky case, like they were this evening, he still managed to find something that cut through John's attempts to just enjoy a sit-down with the paper.

This time, he managed nearly five minutes sitting hunched over in his chair, tea cradled in his hands, before he broke into John's reading with a comment that was probably meant to sound casual, but that he'd clearly been brooding over for a while.

“She said,” and there was no need to ask who _she_ was when he put that emphasis on it. _Here we go_ , thought John, lowering the paper so that he could see Sherlock. Some last barb she'd left embedded into Sherlock's psyche just because she could no doubt, “that Moriarty refers to me and Mycroft as 'the virgin and the iceman'.”

John burst into giggles. “Really?” he asked through them. “Seriously? That's the best he could do? Christ, I thought he was meant to be a genius, and he can't come up with something more insulting than that?” And Irene couldn't come up with anything more catty to try and hurt Sherlock with? Christ, they were both as bad as each other.

“You don't think it's insulting?” asked Sherlock. John took another look at his face, and realised that this was one of their 'Sherlock seeks to understand something from a 'normal person' point-of-view' conversations. Presumably, he was trying to work out why anyone would think those were clever or malicious nicknames, but John wasn't going to be able to help him with that one.

“Of course not,” said John. “'The iceman' just sounds like an X-Man.” Blank look from Sherlock. Apparently all the information he'd taken in for The Geek Interpreter case had already been deleted. “Besides, if he's trying to imply that Mycroft is cold-hearted, and has no empathy or emotions or whatever, surely that's a compliment for a Holmes?”

“Mycroft would say so,” agreed Sherlock, which made John frown. Since when did Sherlock not think that all emotions were worthless?

“And as for calling you 'the virgin',” he continued, “seriously, that's rubbish. Who's the best known person with a nickname relating to their lack of sexual experience? The Virgin Mary. I really don't think that's a comparison that Moriarty intended.”

Sherlock laughed, and John was to pleased to see that he'd managed to make the barely-there tension relax from his shoulders. So much for Irene's attempt to upset Sherlock with this. “It's not a comparison I'd be thrilled about if he were to make it.”

“Let me guess,” said John. “You see yourself as more the Jesus type?”

Sherlock gave him a disgusted look. “Love thy neighbour, peace on earth and good will to all mankind? I think not.”

Right, of course not. John picked up his tea and took another sip. “I've got to say, the fact that he's rubbish at nicknames suddenly makes him seem less scary as a nemesis. Clearly he's not a genius at everything.”

“I bet we could come up with better ones for him,” mused Sherlock.

John thought for a moment. “Disco Jim?” he suggested. Sherlock looked unimpressed. “Because of his ringtone, and his thing for flashing lights?”

“Those were laser scopes, John,” pointed out Sherlock.

John shrugged. “Yeah, okay, maybe I'm rubbish at nicknames as well.” He thought for a bit longer, but was unable to come up with anything better than 'Disco Jim'. “I've ended up with some pretty bad ones myself, over the years – I'm not sure all that many people are good at coming up with them.”

“Have you?” asked Sherlock. “What was the worst one you were ever given? Is it worthy of a Jim-coined one?”

John ran through everything he'd ever been called. 'Three continents Watson' had been pretty shocking, but only Murray had called him that, and only a couple of times to make a point. “Ignoring some of the things Harry used to call me when we were kids,” he said eventually, “probably the one I had at uni. There were several Johns so we all got a nickname, and somehow I ended up as 'Jumper John'.”

“Oh, that's poor,” said Sherlock.

“I know,” agreed John. “I think they'd run out of imagination after naming four other Johns, and got to the stage of 'let's just pick an attribute and roll with it.' And somehow it was my jumpers that got picked on.”

“They are pretty distinctive,” said Sherlock, and John just knew he was thinking of the one he'd worn at Christmas. He'd had several pretty strong things to say about it at the time.

John grinned. “I'll wear your favourite one to a crime scene one day, if you want.”

Sherlock shuddered. “I would prefer not to be seen with it in public. Unless we're going to Mycroft's office, in which case you may feel free to wear it, and I shall take care to make sure that all his colleagues see you with him.”

John thought about the look on Mycroft's face at being confronted with both the jumper and Sherlock's grinning revenge. Oh, it could be beautiful. “Next time he's annoying.”

“He's always annoying,” said Sherlock immediately.

“Next time he's specifically annoying,” clarified John. “I'll let you know when that is.”

Sherlock huffed a sigh, but it was mostly pretence so John ignored it.

“Thinking about it,” said John after a brief pause, “Moriarty's nickname-chosing strategy seems to be the same as my uni friends. Just pick an attribute and try to make it sound insulting.”

“You think of being a virgin as an attribute?” asked Sherlock.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” said John. “Don't you?”

“I very rarely think of it at all,” said Sherlock with a supreme indifference that John suspected was false. “I had been given to understand that most people would say it was a bad thing, however.”

“Most people would say my jumpers were a bad thing,” said John. “I like them, though, I've never seen any reason to change them, and sod anyone who thinks I should.”

Sherlock huffed out a laugh. “Point taken,” he said. “I won't cast aspersions on them again.”

“See that you don't,” said John. There was silence for a few minutes, then John picked up his paper again and tried to remember how far he'd got.

Sherlock managed another two minutes of sitting, then stood up. “Tonight is a night for Sarasate, I think.”

“Sounds good,” said John, smiling to himself. Sarasate was one of Sherlock's I'm-in-a-good-mood composers. Somehow, that felt like he'd achieved some sort of victory over both Irene and Moriarty.


End file.
